For the geeks.

[kiralamouse]

So, as per a request, I've got this to post to my LJ. This is the first third of a long series of very repetitive "signs" from an email I got some seven years ago. And heaven help me, half of them still make me laugh. For those who don't know, IB stands for International Baccalaureate, a very work-intensive accelerated program which results in a high school degree accepted around the world. In theory. Often, they end up only with loads of busy work and long commutes to school. Some things are IB specific, others apply to all geeks. I've tried to edit the inevitable chain email errors, but I'm afraid I couldn't fix the ones in foreign languages. Language snobs, they only have French and Spanish, no German.

Received in a chain email on 13 Aug 1997

Signs You’ve Been In IB Just A Little Bit Too Long –
(Please keep in mind that all of these are meant to be humorous)

1.Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework.
2.You still get kicks out of saying, “Your epidermis is showing.”
3.When no one’s looking, you exacerbate.
4.You’ve convinced your parents that F is for “Fantastic.”
5.You can count your last quiz grades on one hand.
6.You have an internet connection on your calculator.
7.You wonder if there are Cliff’s Notes on the calculus book.
8.You don’t really cheat – you just tell people the answers.
9.You think “getting high” is a reference to grades.
10.Cheating became too difficult, so you took up telepathy.
11.Your bed hasn’t been slept in since Reagan was President.
12.You still think “Saved By The Bell” was a documentary.
13.You have a tab running at Books-A-Million.
14.You’ve consulted tarot cards for hints on a history test.
15.You have the library on speed dial.
16.You’ve framed the Honor Code.
17.You’ve developed an imprint of your book bag on your back.
18.Your best hope for most classes is divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt.
19.The vampire rapist thought you were crazy.
20.Your books weigh more than you do.
21.Your idea of watching TV is the morning announcements.
22.You talk to yourself in the third person.
23.You’re one of the few people in the world to realize that Catcher in the Rye is not about baseball.
24.Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans.
25.You slip Prozac into your Mountain Dew.
26.You have a TI-200 on layaway.
27.Your last mate was a “checkmate.”
28.You try to wake up fast enough to see yourself sleeping – and succeed.
29.You’ve taken in so much knowledge that you keep forgetting what the doorbell means.
30.You plead insanity on a research paper.
31.You think SEX is an acronym for a test you take after the SAT.
32.You talk in your sleep – in Spanish.
33.After getting a “B” on your chem test, you decide to take out your anger on some TWA plane.
34.Your favorite saying is, “If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year…”
35.You have a Cliff’s Notes Preferred Customer credit card.
36.Four/five words: “Wanna play some chess/Trivial Pursuit?”
37.You do your essays on the plane ride to school.
38.You’ve fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you’re in IB or not (hint – they really don’t).
39.You can lead your way through a frog’s intestines with your eyes closed.
40.You forgot about that pesky Extended Essay thing until the night before it was due (darn!)
41.You’re one of the few to know that the “perverted American dream” isn’t a porno.
42.You have to stop twice and get gas to make it all the way to school.
43.You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
44.You’re afraid of sunlight, since you haven’t seen it in three years.
45.You have an element named after you.
46.You clean up your room and find a bed. (What? You have time to clean up your room???)
47.You haven’t seen light in so long, you glow in the dark.
48.You’re so frustrated with IB that you sent package bombs to random houses and framed some Ted guy.
49.You’ve been out various times looking for the Abridged Cliff’s Notes.
50.You wonder about things like how they pluck all those seeds out of seedless watermelons, or what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on.
51.You have a bumper sticker that says, “Proud to be a test tube baby.”
52.Five words: “WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!?!?!?!”
53.You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently in order to give you more time to study.
54.You envy the Unabomber’s social life.
55.The only words you ever say in Spanish class are “Nos é”
56.You carry a protractor in your back pocket.
57.Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of their epidermis and the wonderful shape of their occipital plate.
58.Timothy McVeigh is scared of you.
59.“Burnout” isn’t a strong enough word to describe you.
60.Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs, then staring at your calculator screen saying, “Look! Waves!”
61.You get Advil at cost.
62.The word “ponder” sends you into spasms.
63.You hold “parties” to study.
64.You look forward to your parties.
65.Your parties are the hippest thing going today.
66.Your Extended Essay consists of 20 pages of “This is my Extended Essay.”
67.You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.
68.Your backpack is only comfortable when it weighs 30 pounds.
69.You misread the psychology exam and write an essay on “social sex.”
70.William Carlos Williams’ poetry actually makes sense.
71.The words: “IB therefore I BS.”
72.You have convinced your parents the “1” you received on your IB physics exam was really the “top 1% of all IB students worldwide.”
73.You have given up your search for “a nice university with a good curriculum” during Grade 11. Now, in 12th, you’ve redefined your search to “a nice bell tower with a good place to mount a sniper rifle.”
74.You’re convinced you “Baccalaureate internationale proffeur de francais” thinks you’re sexy.
75.Your “Baccalaureate internationale proffeur de francais” DOES think you’re sexy.
76.You are such an IB loser that you will actually try to correct the grammar in my last two contributions.
77.Your ToK class has convinced you that Hitler was justified in killing 6 million Jews.
78.You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to “get in some extra cramming time” to “gain that upper edge” on the rest of the class. (Breakfast? What’s that?)
79.You actually think that all you’re going through right now will benefit you in the real world.
80.Social life? What’s that?
81.When your idea of a good conversation includes at least one of the school librarians.

That's it for tonight - more possibly forthcoming.

Comments

[procrastinatin.livejournal.com]

YAY! IB therefore IBS

[ueberx.livejournal.com]

I'm not an IB, but those are still funny.