Hallelujah and damnation, Round 2

HALLELUJAH: The computer is back! The internet is operational!

DAMNATION: Yes, after four days in the shop. And three hundred megs of memory mysteriously preoccupied. What were they doing to it down there?

HALLELUJAH: Who cares?

DAMNATION: I'll tell you what they were doing. They were installing updates that allowed those two new viruses on the computer, the viruses I detected on what was supposed to be my sparkling clean shiny new computer.

HALLELUJAH: But at least the viruses were caught!

DAMNATION: Right. They just want it to become a virus-ridden mess so that they can kidnap it forever. Wait a sec, did we say the word "virus"? You fool! They --

*CRASH*

This round of Hallelujah and Damnation has been cut short by the arrival of yellow biohazard suit SWAT ninjas. Damnation claims a victory on the grounds that "SWAT ninjas can have nothing to do with Hallelujah, and they've clearly carried the day."

Save the Language!

Received Tuesday from a fellow English major (cum Classics major, but we'll excuse her that), after a conversation in which I revealed that my beloved word "wight" is slighted in the Oxford English Dictionary:

Hwaet!
[Ed. Note: "Hwaet" is the first word in the Old English/original version of Beowulf. The traditional translation tries to convey the sense that the word means "Hey, listen up! I'm about to tell a story!" so translations like "Hark!" are common. I maintain that it's really the sound of a weapon hitting the table to get everyone's attention. Shannon maintains that it means, "Hey, wench, bring me a beer, and y'all shuddup, Ah'm trahyin' t'tawlk." Thus her great preference for using the word. Okay. Back to the letter.]


It has come to our attention that the Oxford English Dictionary, formerly the supreme source of all verbal knowledge (but henceforth referred to as the OED BASTARDS!), has been consigning words to the trash heap. The Aycock Council was tonight called into an emergency session regarding the tragic demise of the word "wight," currently listed by the OED BASTARDS! as "obsolete". We at the Aycock Council do not approve of their tone at all, the bastards. No word deserves to be called "OBSOLETE"! Although the word "wight" was unavailable for comment, we at the Council are certain that it feels horrible and will be imminently seeking psychiatric treatment for self-esteem issues stemming from its current unemployment.

This outrage calls for immediate mobilization of all those unwilling to send these words to their graves. FIGHT VERBICIDE!!!

The Adopt-a-Word Program is our attempt to reverse this disturbing trend. For as little as three usages a day, your word can be provided with an education, shoes, and a vaccination against worms. You will be provided with a picture of your word, a profile, and monthly letters from your word. We at the Aycock Council would appreciate any support for the rescue of these endangered words. We encourage each new member to discover his or her own "obsolete" or "archaic" word and save it from colloquial extinction.

Down with the OED BASTARDS!,
Shannon and "Never-Underestimate-the-Power-of-the-K" Katie



PS--As you might have noticed, we have contracted quite a nasty case of the Etymological Itch, and we were wondering if you could recommend any creams.